Tacky Is As Tacky Does

*Disclaimer -- The first paragraph of this blog was originally published on  08/12/2007 on another blog of mine and I've simply decided to resurrect it for this one...

Have you ever seen anything so abundantly tacky that you wanted to gouge out your eyes in the hopes of erasing the vision from your brain completely?  If you haven't, then look no further than your nearest graveyard after dark.  I'm talking about creepy glow-in-the-dark crosses.  The first time I happened to notice these things I very nearly ran my car off the road out of fright.  Yeah, I thought they were ghosts.  I can honestly say that one sure-fire way to see my ghost once I'm dead is to adorn my grave with one of these tack fests.  Actually, I'd like to be buried in a "glow-in-the-dark free" environment.  I'd hate for somebody to be driving past the graveyard I'm buried in and glance out and think bad thoughts about me just because I'm laying next to some dead dude whose family has no taste.  You know what?  Forget all this and just cremate me!

My second item of loathing dealing with the deceased is yet another mystery to me.  It is the act of people adorning the rear windows of their vehicles with decals of so-called "memorials" to the dead.  The Random House Dictionary defines memorial four ways.  My favorite is the fourth: of or pertaining to the memory.  There are obviously a variety of ways to memorialize a person once they're gone.  You could erect a statue, donate money to a charity or educational institution, engrave a brick, or the most common of all -- put a headstone on their grave.  Let me be perfectly clear.  When you put a decal on your rear window announcing to the world the loss of your loved one, you are most certainly not doing it out of love, respect or deference to the dead.  You are doing it for an insidious form of attention.  "Hey everybody, look at me!  I've lost someone and I'm sad and grief-stricken!  I would appreciate it if you drivers behind me joined me in my sorrow!"  I refuse.  I didn't know your loved one.  Looking at your decal is most certainly not making me remember somebody I never knew.  Looking at your decal does, however, make me concern your sanity and whether you're properly going through the five stages of grief.  For the sake of everyone on the road, please keep your grief to yourself.  It is not something to be shared with total strangers who are unfortunate enough to get behind you in traffic.